Moan for me like Helen Keller
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
