Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
