trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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