yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
