We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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