Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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