she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
