Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
