I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
