Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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