dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
