Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
