If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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