If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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