I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
