I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
