dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
