Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
