i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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