Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
