We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
This is classic penis vs brain.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
