I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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