i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
