Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
we're making bets on your personal life
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
