What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
