Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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