I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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