Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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