good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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