Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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