I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
