He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
