i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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