Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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