I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
