dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
