Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
