Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
