Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
