You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just found puke in my bra..
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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