I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
