So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
