and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
