I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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