I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
