I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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