i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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