You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
When did angry sex become our thing?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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