got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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