are you still at the devil's house?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
