GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
