His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My vagina is officially offended.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
